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  My Brother’s Love

  A Taboo M/M Romance

  by

  Chara Croft

  My Brother’s Love Copyright © 2019 by Chara Croft, Smashwords Edition

  All rights reserved. No part of this story may be used, reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the copyright holder, except in the case of brief quotations embodied within critical reviews and articles.

  This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.

  The author has asserted her rights under the Copyright Designs and Patents Acts 1988 (as amended) to be identified as the author of this book. The author can be reached at [email protected]

  This work of fiction is intended for mature audiences only. It contains sex acts between consenting adults, and all characters represented within are eighteen years of age or older. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  For Courtney Bassett

  Merry Fucking Christmas!

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  About the Author

  CHAPTER ONE

  Jonah

  I had my eyes closed as usual while Kayla sucked me off, my hands tangled in her hair while I desperately pretended that after an entire year together, I wasn’t still wishing every sexual encounter was with someone else. The longer we were together, the more I had to work at it to seem interested whenever she pulled my cock out, and when my phone rang with the rarely heard ringtone I’d reserved for my mother, I pulled Kayla off my half-hard dick with a guilty sense of relief.

  She looked up with wide eyes, wiping her mouth. “You’re actually going to answer that, Jonah? Now?”

  “Have to,” I lied, even though I was pretty sure she knew that I generally followed a strict straight-to-voicemail policy whenever my parents rang. “It’s almost Christmas.”

  “But you’re not even going home for winter break,” she said, her cock-swollen lips thinning into an angry line. “And I still don’t understand why you won’t come home with me. We’ve been together for a year now! My parents want to meet you.”

  “Can’t,” I said, not bothering to explain why. But God help me, there was no way in hell I ever wanted to meet her parents. My own had always been more of the neglect-and-let-the-nanny-deal-with-it school of parenting, but from everything Kayla had said, her family was close… which meant that if I ever made the mistake of letting her introduce me to them as her boyfriend, they’d no doubt see right through me.

  “Really? Then I’m sorry, but I think we should break up,” Kayla said, dropping her bombshell in a hard voice as I swiped to answer my mother’s call.

  Well, fuck. She was right, of course—we really should—but where would that leave me? I held up a finger to ask her to hold the thought, knowing for sure that I was the world’s biggest asshole.

  “Hello, Mother,” I said, tucking away my softening dick and standing up to step around Kayla. She glared up at me, but I ignored her anger, too distracted by the way my heart was already hammering with anxiety over possible reasons for the unexpected phone call.

  My parents weren’t the type to get sentimental or contact me simply because it was the holiday season, and I knew we didn’t have anything logistical to discuss since, just like the year before, I’d come up with a plausible lie to avoid going home for Christmas.

  This time, my excuse was a holiday internship that didn’t exist. It was exactly the kind of thing my father was always offering to secure for me with one of his many business connections, and I’d only managed to avoid providing my parents with the nonexistent details by insisting that I wanted to test the waters in the business world on my own merits. That had won me some parental respect that I couldn’t give two shits about—not coming from them—but it also meant that they weren’t expecting to see me over winter break and had absolutely no reason whatsoever to be reaching out to me now. At least, none that I could stomach thinking about.

  But if something had happened to my brother, I’d know, right? Just because I’d been avoiding him, it didn’t mean we weren’t still… well, not “close” anymore, of course—that was too dangerous—but still connected.

  “Is Caleb—I mean, is everyone okay?” I asked, clenching the phone so tightly in my hand that I heard the case crack.

  A long-suffering sigh sounded on the other end of the line. “No, your father and I are not okay, Jonah,” Mother said. “Your brother has been incredibly difficult lately—”

  “What happened?” I interrupted, ignoring the sound of Kayla rustling around the room behind me.

  “Nothing happened,” Mother said in a tight voice. “But his attitude has been wearing on us. It’s really more than I can take, especially during the holidays. We’ve decided to go to Aspen for Christmas to try to decompress.”

  I blinked, torn between wanting to press her on what exactly was wrong with Caleb’s “attitude” and trying to figure out why she was telling me this. My brother wasn’t even remotely athletic and he hated being cold, so I wasn’t sure how a skiing holiday was supposed to help him “decompress.” Then again, our parents had never been the type to actually pay attention to their sons, so it shouldn’t have surprised me that they’d be clueless about how to help him.

  I could help him.

  I clamped down hard on that thought before it could get away from me. Caleb was three years younger than me, and from the moment he’d come home from the hospital, he’d been mine. Our nannies used to think it was cute how I’d coddled and taken care of him. I’d fallen head over heels for the adorable little bugger the minute he’d blinked those big baby blues up at me and cooed, and from day one, I hadn’t wanted to let him out of my sight. We’d been inseparable right up until I’d left home for college—something that had about killed me to do, even though I knew it was weird to feel like leaving your baby brother was ripping a piece of your heart out. And college life had been great, but I’d still spent most of it counting down the days until I could go home and see him again.

  I’d lived for those breaks every year. Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, summer… hating how much of Caleb’s life I was missing but relieved that nothing seemed to change between us each time I made it home. Every time, he’d stayed glued to my side while I was there. And every time, it had been hell to leave him again once I had to return to school.

  Not that I’d actually known what hell was, of course. Not until I’d left that last time knowing I wouldn’t… couldn’t see him again.

  I swallowed hard, reminding myself to stay strong. He’d just turned eighteen when I’d gone home for Thanksgiving the year before, finally in his senior year of high school. Now, he was the same age I’d been when I’d headed off to college and left him the first time. I’d managed to delay doing that by a full year with the excuse that I wanted to take a gap year to get some real-world experience working for my father before getting my degree, but eventually, as much as it had killed me to leave Caleb, I’d had to go.

  And if only I’d been stronger the last time I’d seen him, he’d be here with me now, starting his own college career.

&n
bsp; “Are you seriously going to ignore what I just said?” Kayla hissed from behind me, smacking my shoulder as Mother started to rattle off something about their itinerary in my ear.

  I turned back to face Kayla with a familiar feeling of guilt. She really did deserve better. I pulled the phone away from my ear and covered the speaker for a second.

  “Sorry, babe. And you’re right, we should. I just need a minute to make sure my baby brother is—”

  “Are you serious?” she snapped, cutting me off. “I’m right? That’s all you have to say after a year together? I say we should break up, and you say I’m right?”

  I shrugged one shoulder, not sure how to respond. I guess she wanted me to fight for her, but I was pretty sure that would make me an even bigger asshole than I already was for having dated her in the first place when I really wanted someone else.

  “Jonah, are you listening to me?” Mother asked sharply, her voice clearly audible from the phone’s tiny speaker. “We need to book the flights.”

  I put it back up to my ear, mouthing “sorry” to Kayla. I meant it, too.

  “Yes, Mother,” I said as Kayla narrowed her eyes at me. “Aspen for Christmas. I heard. I hope the three of you have a good time.”

  I really hoped she hadn’t been asking me to join them. I loved skiing and ached to see Caleb again, but I was going to keep right on doing the right thing, no matter how many pieces of my heart it ripped out. Of course, without Kayla around to distract me, that was going to be even harder than usual, but—

  “You weren’t listening at all,” Mother said, sounding exasperated. “Of course Caleb’s not coming to Aspen. Your father and I need some space from him. That’s the whole point. All his moping is absolutely ruining the holidays for us.”

  Moping? Caleb was sad? That’s what had my parents running away? I thought they’d meant he’d gotten into some kind of trouble, but hearing this was almost worse.

  “Jesus, you’re a real prick, Jonah,” Kayla said, snatching up her purse and storming toward the door. “Don’t call me.”

  I nodded, earning some harsher profanity as she slammed the door behind her, but she’d already lost my attention.

  “What do you mean Caleb’s not going to Aspen?” I asked my mother, anger surging inside me. My baby brother needed something, and instead of giving it to him, they were running away. “You’re seriously going to leave him all alone at Christmas?”

  I squeezed my eyes closed, breathing deeply to avoid some profanity of my own. I wasn’t naive enough to think that family holidays had suddenly become all warm and cozy since I’d stopped showing up for them, but even if my parents had no doubt mostly ignored Caleb like they always had, actually leaving him was fucking cold.

  Of course, it’s exactly what I’d done, but that was different.

  “Of course we can’t leave him alone,” Mother said, clearly impatient. With a put-upon sigh, she added an exasperated-sounding, “Your father and I agree that allowing him the same gap year we gave you was a mistake. Caleb barely makes an effort at your father’s office, and here at home he’s been nothing but moody and distant. Frankly, we just don’t trust him at the house on his own. Who knows what he might get up to.”

  They didn’t trust him? Thought he was moody and distant? Oh, that was rich. I literally couldn’t imagine how they’d even noticed, not unless they’d completely changed their parenting style in the last year. Still, the mention of Caleb’s gap year ripped my heart out all over again. He’d been so excited to come join me here at our parents’ alma mater, biding his time until he could hurry up and graduate high school so we could be together again at college. He’d been planning on pledging my frat so we could even live together again, at least during what would have been his freshman and my senior year.

  This year.

  I pushed the thought aside to avoid getting sucked down into emotions that couldn’t go anywhere, grinding my teeth together and reshaping all those useless feelings into a seething outrage at the bullshit my mother was spewing instead. She was seriously worried about what Caleb would “get up to” if she left him alone? Did she even know him at all? He’d always been a good kid. The best. And of course he wasn’t doing well at Father’s office. He wasn’t even remotely suited for it. He needed—

  Me.

  I shut that thought down hard and fast, too. Letting myself go there wouldn’t do either of us any good. And honestly, it just hurt too damn much.

  “But since we already gave the staff time off,” Mother was droning on, “you’re going to have to be the one to take care of him, Jonah. Your father and I have discussed it, and you’ll need to decline the internship you’ve lined up. With our connections, we’ll make sure you have other opportunities in the future, but right now, the family’s needs take precedence.”

  I clenched my jaw. The family’s needs? What about Caleb’s needs?

  Then I caught on to what she was actually saying.

  “Wait, what?” I asked, my heart starting to pound. “Are you saying that you want me to… to come home?”

  See Caleb again?

  Spend weeks with him?

  Alone? Without even the staff?

  “Yes,” Mother said, a hard edge creeping into her voice. “And I’m sorry, son, but this isn’t a choice. In order for your father and I to keep funding your education, we’re going to need you to come back and watch over your brother while we’re gone.”

  I froze in shock. Was she seriously threatening to cut me off if I didn’t go home and keep Caleb company over winter break? Tasking me with keeping my brother out of trouble? Of taking care of him, the way I always used to?

  It should have pissed me off. I wanted it to. But God help me, a hot surge of elation rushed through me instead, making me almost giddy. I’d been good. I’d stayed away. I’d cut off our relationship even though it had felt like cutting off a limb—because I always took care of him, and that had been the only way I’d known how to do it. How to protect him from me. But now my parents were forcing my hand, and the idea of finally seeing my baby brother again woke something up in me that made me feel alive for the first time all year.

  Mother sighed on the other end of the phone. “I really am sorry to spring this on you, Jonah,” she said, almost managing to sound like she meant it. “But we just don’t know what to do with him. You’re the only one who ever did, and he’s been… well, he’s been different lately. Frankly, it’s been too long since you’ve been home. It’s like he’s lost without you around to guide him. You were always so good with him.”

  I swallowed hard, a lifetime of memories assaulting me.

  Teach me how, Jonah.

  I want to be good for you.

  Are you proud of me?

  “I’ll be there,” I promised, my voice thick. “I’ll take care of him. I’ll… I’ll give him whatever he needs.”

  And God help us both if he still needed me the way he did before… because I didn’t think I’d have the strength to walk away a second time.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Caleb

  “Fuck,” I blurted, my heart shooting up into my throat at the sound of a knock on my bedroom door. The household staff had all been given time off for Christmas, so it had to be one of my parents.

  Other than the occasional run-in at my new “day job” at Dad’s company, which I hated, for the record, I usually only saw them during the sit-down dinners they insisted on having at precisely six o’clock on the evenings they weren’t out at some event or other, and they never actually sought me out. Why on Earth one or the other of them would be coming up here to my room I had no idea.

  I put my laptop screen to sleep without bothering to type “BRB” in the chat window I had open. The guy I’d been chatting with was hot, but if he ghosted on me while I was away from the keyboard I was pretty sure I’d have no trouble finding another one who looked like—

  I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood, blinking away the hot prick of tears behind my eyelids wi
th a determined effort as I pushed away from my desk and went to the door, cutting off the direction my thoughts had tried to go. The direction they always went. I’d just turned nineteen—“not a kid anymore” as my father liked to throw in my face sometimes—and it was long past time for me to stop being such a baby about the things I was never going to have and start settling for what was available. Which, based on the attention my online profile got, was plenty. Unlike some people, the guys online actually seemed to want me, and one way or another, I was determined to hook up with one of them over the holiday and finally lose the V-card I’d been holding onto for far too long.

  And maybe, hopefully, doing that would be enough to make me stop pining for… for anyone else.

  “Caleb?” My father’s voice sounded through the door, followed by another brisk knock. “We need a word with you, son.”

  My phone vibrated in my back pocket—no doubt another message from the guy I’d just been chatting with, since I had the app installed on both devices—but I ignored it as I opened the door to my father.

  “Yeah?” I asked, leaning against the doorjamb to block his way. Not that he’d probably care even if he noticed that the other door was open, too, but I still felt guilty and a little embarrassed about how often I went into Jonah’s room. It didn’t matter that Jonah was gone, he’d still made it clear he didn’t want me there anymore.

  It was the only piece of him I still had, though.

  Our house was ridiculously large—so big that I sometimes felt lost in it—but the part that felt like my actual home was right here. Jonah and I had always had these adjoining bedrooms. There was a shared bathroom in between with doors on each side to connect us, but most nights growing up, we’d ended up sharing.